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I have obtained the official NC State booster club's list of potential coaches, and the odds of each guy becoming the new coach, as they see it.
"Potential Candidate, Odds that we choose him for the job, and Pros and Cons:
John Wooden: 2-1. Pros: Won a lot in the past, almost as much as NC State. Obviously would jump at the chance to coach a perennial powerhouse like NC State. Cons: Old. Hasn't won much recently, should we settle for that?
Mike Kryszewski: 3-1. Pros: Would clearly jump at the chance to move up to a higher visibility program. Intimidates refs, so we would get all the calls with him. Cons: Is Satan.
Dean Smith: 4-1. Pros: Understands the biggest rivalry in sports, NC State/Carolina. We would get all the calls if we had him. Cons: Dominated at State- as a coach of an opposing team.Adolph
Rupp: 5-1. Pros: won a lot in the past, almost as much as NC State. Would appeal to rednecks in fanbase, which is just about everyone. Cons: dead.
Red Auerbach: 6-1: Pros: Won a lot in the NBA. Smoking cigars would go over well with tobacco state's fanbase. Cons: Unproven at the college level.
Jim Calhoun: 6-1. Pros: would love to move up to this job, wins a lot, no problem with players getting caught stealing stuff. Cons: Connecticut Yankee.
Bob Knight: 7-1. Pros: Would obviously take the job in a heartbeat. Fans would enjoy his lively personality and humor. Cons: hasn't won enough to be considered a leading candidate for a job this important. Possible backup plan if first choices don't interview well.
Pat Riley: 7-1. Pros: would fit in well in cosmopolitan world capital like Raleigh. Cons: Unproven at college level. Hasn't won anything in a long time, we don't want to be living in the past.
Phil Jackson: 8-1. Pros: Won a lot, would take the job in a second, no doubt. Cons: pseudo-intellectualism would turn off good ol' boy fanbase.
Les Robinson: 10-1. Pros: Experience with the job. Possibly the cleanest coach in NC State history. Cons: Possibly the cleanest coach in NC State history.
Terrell Owens: 11-1. Pros: well known, probably be a good recruiter with today's young athletes. Would love to take the job. Cons: Unproven in basketball.
Barry Bonds: 11-1. Pros: Could advise players on body-building routine. We would have the strongest team in the country. Cons: Too easygoing and friendly for this tough job.
Jim Valvano Jr.: 12-1. Pros: descended from greatest coach in history of sports, would probably inherit the winning magic that his father had. Cons: doesn't exist.
Everett Case: 15-1. Pros: Experience in the job. Cons: never won the big one. We need someone who can take us to the next level, not some retread.
Cozell McQueen: 16-1. Pros: Won it all at NC State. Cons: never coached. Has a weird bumpy thing on his shoulder.
Chris Washburn: 17-1. Pros: Knows all about NC State basketball. Cons: Too likely to get caught, not good at getting away with stuff. Might be in jail.
Bill Gates: 18-1. Pros: No doubt he would want the job. Very successful in his field. Experienced at putting rivals out of business. Cons: Too geeky.
Dick Vitale: 20-1. Pros: excitable, well known. Cons: would lose to Duke on purpose.
Digger Phelps: 20-1. Pros: well known in college basketball. Cons: tends to be wrong about everything.
Al Maguire: 21-1. Pros: good coach. His team stayed within 12 points of the greatest team in the history of sports in 1974 championship game. Cons: New York type. Also dead.
Eddie Sutton: 22-1. Pros: willing to do whatever it takes to win. Cons: might be a wimp once he gets out of rehab.
Norm Sloan: 23-1. Pros: won it all at NC State. Cons: hard to find the type of sport coats he prefers these days. Another retread, unable to win once he left the NC State program. Also dead.
Guy Lewis: 24-1. Pros: Good things happen to State when he's around. Cons: another dead guy.Billy Donovan: 25-1. Pros: would obviously love to take the job. Cons: hasn't won it all yet. Do we want to settle for him when we could have his mentor, Pitino?
Rick Pitino: 25-1. Pros: big winner, except with Celtics. Obviously would want the job if offered. Cons: didn't even make the NCAAs this year, would be a step down from Sendek.
Rick Barnes: 25-1. Pros: local guy, yelled at Dean Smith. Would love to have a shot at this job. Cons: hasn't won enough to get such a prestigious job.
Jim Boeheim: 26-1. Pros: won a lot. Cons: glasses-wearing yankee wouldn't fly with fanbase.
Charles Shackelford: 27-1. Pros: Natural amphibious abilities would come in handy. Cons: might shave points.
Myron Piggie: 28-1. Pros: Our type of guy, good connections with recruits. Cons: no college coaching experience, might be in jail.
Drew Rosenhaus: 30-1. Pros: slick negotiator, would be a good recruiter. Cons: unproven as coach. Brags about players getting paid, needs to learn to keep it quiet.
Jerry Tarkanian: 30-1. Pros: good recruiter, has experience at dealing with our kind of players. Cons: Hasn't been caught in a while, is he still willing to do what it takes?
Bob Staak: 35-1. Pros: ACC experience, good things happen to State when he's coaching. Good buddy of Valvano. Cons: Valvano loved him when he coached and recruited against NC State, not for NC State.
That Guy Arizona State Just Hired: 35-1. Pros: Most successful NC State Coach in decades. Cons: Never won anything.
Bill Parcells: 40-1. Pros: Several championship games and Coach of the Year Awards; Two Championship wins; may soon leave current job due to frustrations with existing players. Cons: Coaches football; Championships were Super Bowl victories.
Jordka: 50-1. Pros: Combination of Michael Jordan and Mike Ditka, two extremely successful sports figures, with 8 championships between them (7 in basketball). Cons: Part Tar Heel; only exists in the minds of the Super Fans.
Mario: 50-1. Pros: Continues tradition of great Italian-American NC State coaches; frequently stomps opponents; wears red. Cons: Usually focuses majority of his attention on rescuing a captured princess; second-rate brother Luigi included as part of package deal."
"Potential Candidate, Odds that we choose him for the job, and Pros and Cons:
John Wooden: 2-1. Pros: Won a lot in the past, almost as much as NC State. Obviously would jump at the chance to coach a perennial powerhouse like NC State. Cons: Old. Hasn't won much recently, should we settle for that?
Mike Kryszewski: 3-1. Pros: Would clearly jump at the chance to move up to a higher visibility program. Intimidates refs, so we would get all the calls with him. Cons: Is Satan.
Dean Smith: 4-1. Pros: Understands the biggest rivalry in sports, NC State/Carolina. We would get all the calls if we had him. Cons: Dominated at State- as a coach of an opposing team.Adolph
Rupp: 5-1. Pros: won a lot in the past, almost as much as NC State. Would appeal to rednecks in fanbase, which is just about everyone. Cons: dead.
Red Auerbach: 6-1: Pros: Won a lot in the NBA. Smoking cigars would go over well with tobacco state's fanbase. Cons: Unproven at the college level.
Jim Calhoun: 6-1. Pros: would love to move up to this job, wins a lot, no problem with players getting caught stealing stuff. Cons: Connecticut Yankee.
Bob Knight: 7-1. Pros: Would obviously take the job in a heartbeat. Fans would enjoy his lively personality and humor. Cons: hasn't won enough to be considered a leading candidate for a job this important. Possible backup plan if first choices don't interview well.
Pat Riley: 7-1. Pros: would fit in well in cosmopolitan world capital like Raleigh. Cons: Unproven at college level. Hasn't won anything in a long time, we don't want to be living in the past.
Phil Jackson: 8-1. Pros: Won a lot, would take the job in a second, no doubt. Cons: pseudo-intellectualism would turn off good ol' boy fanbase.
Les Robinson: 10-1. Pros: Experience with the job. Possibly the cleanest coach in NC State history. Cons: Possibly the cleanest coach in NC State history.
Terrell Owens: 11-1. Pros: well known, probably be a good recruiter with today's young athletes. Would love to take the job. Cons: Unproven in basketball.
Barry Bonds: 11-1. Pros: Could advise players on body-building routine. We would have the strongest team in the country. Cons: Too easygoing and friendly for this tough job.
Jim Valvano Jr.: 12-1. Pros: descended from greatest coach in history of sports, would probably inherit the winning magic that his father had. Cons: doesn't exist.
Everett Case: 15-1. Pros: Experience in the job. Cons: never won the big one. We need someone who can take us to the next level, not some retread.
Cozell McQueen: 16-1. Pros: Won it all at NC State. Cons: never coached. Has a weird bumpy thing on his shoulder.
Chris Washburn: 17-1. Pros: Knows all about NC State basketball. Cons: Too likely to get caught, not good at getting away with stuff. Might be in jail.
Bill Gates: 18-1. Pros: No doubt he would want the job. Very successful in his field. Experienced at putting rivals out of business. Cons: Too geeky.
Dick Vitale: 20-1. Pros: excitable, well known. Cons: would lose to Duke on purpose.
Digger Phelps: 20-1. Pros: well known in college basketball. Cons: tends to be wrong about everything.
Al Maguire: 21-1. Pros: good coach. His team stayed within 12 points of the greatest team in the history of sports in 1974 championship game. Cons: New York type. Also dead.
Eddie Sutton: 22-1. Pros: willing to do whatever it takes to win. Cons: might be a wimp once he gets out of rehab.
Norm Sloan: 23-1. Pros: won it all at NC State. Cons: hard to find the type of sport coats he prefers these days. Another retread, unable to win once he left the NC State program. Also dead.
Guy Lewis: 24-1. Pros: Good things happen to State when he's around. Cons: another dead guy.Billy Donovan: 25-1. Pros: would obviously love to take the job. Cons: hasn't won it all yet. Do we want to settle for him when we could have his mentor, Pitino?
Rick Pitino: 25-1. Pros: big winner, except with Celtics. Obviously would want the job if offered. Cons: didn't even make the NCAAs this year, would be a step down from Sendek.
Rick Barnes: 25-1. Pros: local guy, yelled at Dean Smith. Would love to have a shot at this job. Cons: hasn't won enough to get such a prestigious job.
Jim Boeheim: 26-1. Pros: won a lot. Cons: glasses-wearing yankee wouldn't fly with fanbase.
Charles Shackelford: 27-1. Pros: Natural amphibious abilities would come in handy. Cons: might shave points.
Myron Piggie: 28-1. Pros: Our type of guy, good connections with recruits. Cons: no college coaching experience, might be in jail.
Drew Rosenhaus: 30-1. Pros: slick negotiator, would be a good recruiter. Cons: unproven as coach. Brags about players getting paid, needs to learn to keep it quiet.
Jerry Tarkanian: 30-1. Pros: good recruiter, has experience at dealing with our kind of players. Cons: Hasn't been caught in a while, is he still willing to do what it takes?
Bob Staak: 35-1. Pros: ACC experience, good things happen to State when he's coaching. Good buddy of Valvano. Cons: Valvano loved him when he coached and recruited against NC State, not for NC State.
That Guy Arizona State Just Hired: 35-1. Pros: Most successful NC State Coach in decades. Cons: Never won anything.
Bill Parcells: 40-1. Pros: Several championship games and Coach of the Year Awards; Two Championship wins; may soon leave current job due to frustrations with existing players. Cons: Coaches football; Championships were Super Bowl victories.
Jordka: 50-1. Pros: Combination of Michael Jordan and Mike Ditka, two extremely successful sports figures, with 8 championships between them (7 in basketball). Cons: Part Tar Heel; only exists in the minds of the Super Fans.
Mario: 50-1. Pros: Continues tradition of great Italian-American NC State coaches; frequently stomps opponents; wears red. Cons: Usually focuses majority of his attention on rescuing a captured princess; second-rate brother Luigi included as part of package deal."
posted by bkbroiler at 9:21 AM
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