A Few Jokes

#1
"A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things...

One: The bartender is a blonde woman.
Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.
Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.
Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in Karate, and a very bad attitude.

Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says:

"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


#2
Every day at the office, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady
standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her
that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it
anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department
and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against
him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks,
"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells
nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."


#3
Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

A: Nothing. You already told her twice.